On being a whore

If we took a collected pool to see which verses in our Great Book were the ones that brought forth the most comfort, I believe we would find a majority from the New Testament. They would be verses that centered around Christ, His death, His love...etc. All of these, or any verse in all of Scripture warrants to be known as a verse of comfort because they all are the Gospel.

Yesterday, at the culmination of a week of fleshly living, I found a verse that reverberated waves of comfort through my body like nothing had before. It wasn't a "new" verse, it was actually found stared and highlighted in my Book. But, it was the combination of the what the Holy Spirit had revealed to me about my sin this past week and what the Holy Spirit was revealing in this moment that shook me:
"But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing." Ezekiel 16:15
AMEN...that's it, it's clear...I am a whore.
All week I have been trying to explain to people why my heart is a whore. My words stumbled out of my mouth into a pile of mush. But here it is, in God's own word, the description of myself as a whore. This relieved me. One might be gasping right now, saying "well, no no that's a little harsh." No its not too harsh, its absolutely accurate and reading it freed me.
This week I saw myself passing my heart off to whatever made sense at the moment. I found myself wanting adoration and attention from whomever, I just wanted to be wanted and wanted to be adored even if it was from the second slice of caf pizza or the third chocolate chip cookie. I was disgusted with this, but also came to the realization that I am just a sinful being, and all my efforts to appear holy had vanished.
Reading this verse was a relief because as I was going to the bathroom (time has shown me that times peeing or showering are usually quality moments of revelation), I said to God "Okay...I really have nothing to offer, and left to my vices I will whore myself off to any tantalizing object. It has to be you, your goodness, your strength, your holiness...really Lord, I have nothing." I have said things like that many times, but this time I knew it to be true. I knew that apart from Jesus I was, I am...a whore.
This did a few things for me...this made me understand anew why He had to come. Why it wasn't a nice gesture but a necessity. Why I absolutely need His perfection to cover my imperfections. I also, was so relieved because I knew at that moment that it wasn't about me reaching a point in sanctification where I could show more people who He was by how I lived, acted or spoke. It was the truth that I am so desperately filthy and that He is faithfully pursuing me, cleaning me and showing Himself to be true. Not only to me but to all His children. I love that He can shine through me. I love that it really is nothing of myself. I love that He has movement and is living and is breathing.
On being a whore I have seen my Savior. Praise be to God who has rescued us. And this verse is of Christ's Gospel. It showed me why He came, why He died, why he endured separation from the Father...because without it there would be nothing to save me and bring me home.

Restoring Beauty

This is going to be the corner in which I write about my Father and His work. He is at work restoring beauty, and yet He has already restored it. He is perfection, yet I don't know him as I should.

This is my journey...understanding my King. Understanding my sin and fallenness, while he restores my beauty in His son.

~His Daughter
Jac